by Jane Boswell

My daily routine includes the wonderful opportunity of meeting homeschool parents and spending time talking with them about stages of life, parenting and, of course, homeschooling. These days I meet them through email as well as over the telephone, at meetings, workshops and conferences. Even though I’m an over-50 grandmother, I still remember those ‘good old days’ and relate to the stories coming from a sleep-deprived 20-something couple with three young children in tow, or a 30-something prematurely graying mother-of-an-adolescent. Surprisingly, the most challenging situations these parents encounter have little to do with ‘schooling’ issues. The problems facing homeschooling families have changed in the last two decades and although the homeschool choice no longer poses quite the immediate threat of police on the doorstep - which for us was a major concern - today’s homeschool parents still grapple with challenges. To their credit, some young couples begin making plans to homeschool right after the wedding vows, but the majority begin homeschooling when other educational methods prove a dismal failure. They’re venturing into unknown territory - they know it - and life is going to change.

No matter how independent and tough you are, the going-against-the-crowd decision to homeschool can still be a lonely one, often compounded by other factors. Perhaps the family’s choice to homeschool means that mom will quit her outside job - thus leaving co-workers - to become a full time homemaker and teaching parent. Social life for mom changes dramatically. In some cases, friends and family, though more supportive than they might have been years ago, still do not quite understand your ‘radical views’ and voice their doubt. A rift can develop. As exciting as homeschooling is, new homeschool families can experience real feelings of isolation. Perhaps the term “alone-ness” might be more descriptive.

There are other causes for feelings of isolation having nothing to do with homeschooling. Our culture and an increasingly mobile society are a breeding ground for loneliness. The neighbor next door is a stranger because three different families have lived there in as many years. A generation ago, families and friends stayed together in the same community - or at least the same city for a life-time. Now, due to professional or economic demands, educational goals or simply because travel has become easier - families find themselves scattered all over the country and even the world. They say the world is getting smaller - but 3,000 miles is a long way to go to ‘drop in for a cup of coffee.’ However, those little visits and times of refreshment with people that care for each other were and still are vital to a healthy individual, family and community... to a healthy you and me. We all need a corner of support.

Every homeschooling family should have a support system of some sort. Here in Maine, most parents search out another homeschooling family, or a homeschool group of some sort. They might change support systems from year to year, and they can take advantage of as many as they want or need. Like other states with a good working network of support organizations, Maine is alive with healthy, vibrant, and knowledgeable homeschooling families. The homeschool community is well- connected and, wherever there is a group or network, you’ll find busy homeschoolers active in their families, neighborhoods and wider communities.

So, what or who is your support system? You might not need a force for political action but we all need someone to care, to listen, and to share with. Alone-ness and isolation is nearly epidemic in this country and many times it actually festers in the ones who consider themselves strong and independent.

Many years ago, I, too was strong and fearless; ready to face the world and conquer. Then I had children. After the 50 pounds of pregnancy fat they promised me I’d lose, didn’t budge, and I carried the distinctive aroma of drool and baby wipes ... and when I couldn’t remember what an uninterrupted night of sleep felt like ... I became a desperate woman. I wasn’t even AT the homeschooling stage yet - as a matter of fact I was naively dreaming of the modern idea of life after preschool - for Mom. So, at that moment in history, out of sheer panic, I called some fellow moms together (nearly strangers) for coffee and simple chit-chat (that’s all we were capable of in the early stages). Before I understood what was happening, every week, our match-box house brimmed with infants, toddlers, toys and mothers. By afternoon, when the last woman was scooping up her little ones and slinging a diaper over her shoulder, all the while thanking me profusely for the ‘wonderful’ time I was quietly thrilled. Somehow, I had found a calling - support group organizer.

Over the years, I have used this simple plan of inviting a few people together for refreshment and conversation keeping it simple, practical and encouraging. We never had a big, fancy house to invite people into. What I ‘saw’ was the need for mutual support and caring, not just for myself but for many, many others. These types of informal meetings continued into my homeschooling years at a time when there was a crucial need for organized systems of support. (You definitely need support when facing the prospect of jail time.) Eventually these informal gatherings evolved into more sophisticated groups, organizations and enrichment programs. (But that took a few years and a few more people more motivated than me.)

Those years were very rewarding, and some of my dearest friendships were formed. We were just a group of young moms getting together to rave about our kids, or share parenting concerns, and lighten our cares over coffee, cookies and teething biscuits for – what else?– mutual support.

Our purpose and goals were not complicated - our biggest challenge was making it through the week. Sound familiar? We met weekly for encouragement, listening, conversation, and sometimes a friendship happened. Everyone was welcome. Open and honest dialogue was encouraged – as was the commitment to a non-judgmental, listening, and encouraging attitude. Those were the ground rules. It worked. It still works. And it’s needed as much today as in the early years of homeschooling.

In homeschooling and in-life-in-general, support systems - another person or two – however identified – will play a vital role. They range from the very simplest - two moms or couples sharing coffee or a picnic lunch ... to the other end of the spectrum ... structured with boards, presidents, committees and specific agenda. Each kind – whatever it might look like has its place and will appeal to different people with different needs at different times.

If you are not connected to a support system - be it family, a friend, a fellow homeschooler or a support group, I encourage you to reach out just a little. Find someone to connect with - to share with, listen to and encourage as much as they will encourage you.

For help in finding homeschoolers or groups in your area - whatever state - we can help.

About the author: Jane is the publisher and editor of Home Educator's Family Times and founder of the online support organization, Homeschool Support Network. She also works as a Supervisory Teacher/Consultant with Home Education & Family Services/Royal Academy in Gray, Maine. She will be speaking at the Homeschool Mom's Advance on October 19, 20 at Maranatha Christian Ministries Conference Center in NH.

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